On this point I should first explain what is meant by wedding vows in an independent ceremony. Many will know them from church, where they really are a vow, often beginning with «I take you as my XY and promise you XY»… In an independent ceremony, by contrast, we are talking much more about a declaration of love, a confession of love, in which you tell each other why you love one another and why you want to spend the rest of your lives together. It is often chosen when a simple «I do» is not enough or feels too impersonal. I think that makes complete sense.
Self-written wedding vows, or rather a message of love to the other person, leave an impression (not only on your partner but also on your guests) and make a ceremony incredibly emotional, personal, individual and unique.
But you can surely imagine that these are deeply personal, deeply intimate and entirely private words, and that not everyone wants to or can share them with the entire assembly of guests. That is one reason, though not the only one, why some couples do not opt for wedding vows in advance. Another cause is the fact that on the day you are almost certainly going to be very nervous, and many people – above all the brides – do not trust themselves to then also speak such emotional words out loud in front of all the guests. Many fear that, overwhelmed by emotion, they will not get a single word out, or only through tears – which, by the way, would not be a problem at all.
To cut a long story short: wedding vows are definitely not an entirely simple matter, but as mentioned before they are a beautiful and lasting one. That is why I always advise my couples to overcome their hesitation and to consider wedding vows. And because of course I understand very well that not everyone can speak in front of a lot of people, I also always show my couples various possibilities for realising such a vow in one form or another.
